THE PAST IS THE PAST...SOMETIMES

Well another Holiday has passed without a hitch. It's funny how you spend so much time trying to avoid things from your past; friends,places and memories, but they have a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. I caught up with an old friend who I have know for over 20 something years. We got together and met at a place I normally don't feel comfortable, "a College Bar." Yeah I know what was I thinking...really what was I thinking? The level of noise was that of a "rock concert" which I believe is quieter. We were all stacked like cattle couldn't move, couldn't breathe, body parts were being positioned in ways they shouldn't have. Anyway..I was hoping not to run into anyone else I knew, which in that town is hard not to do. Ironically its less than a mile from where I used to live with my ex husband. Lo and Behold, I ran into someone from the "neighborhood" which I had a feeling I would since I knew they frequented that place. It was awkward, really awkward. It's not even about not really saying anything to this person which we barely said hello to. I remarked later on to my friend that it's not about "running into" people that bothers me its my new life getting back to my ex that bothers me. I worked too hard to get where I am at today and in my opinion "he" doesn't deserve to know about his son or my life. He lost that right many years ago. People don't understand what I mean when I say that. Its basically like what are you afraid of, it has nothing to do with "fear" its more about privacy. He didn't care about us when we were married and a family so why should he be allowed to know what goes on in our lives. We spent too many years trying to recover from him and forget about him. Why should we be reminded of where we were and who we were when we were together? Small town, people usually can't wait to say "Oh guess who I ran into at the Bar?" No matter how you slice it there isn't a nice way of saying that.lol. News travels at the speed of light in a small town. Its like everyone needs to tell me what's going on in his life, If I really really wanted to know I would have asked, Did I? NO! I also came to the conclusion that I have hit that mark of where I am officially "old" and the "College Bar Scene" is not for me. I want to go somewhere and be able to sit, have a few drinks, be able to talk and hear myself think. It just seems that no matter what I do or where I go I cannot get away from my old life. I guess that saying this State isn't big enough for the both of us rings true. just a small rant. That I don't want to be reminded of my past that is why it is called a past because it is gone. You want to talk about the present and possibly the future I am all ears but let the skeletons stay where they are because they are resting peacefully..alone..