HAVING A HARD TIME HEALING from abuse

Getting out of an abusive situation can take a long time BUT healing from it takes even longer. Everyone has there own healing pace, if you try to "rush" it, it can and will backfire on you. A little bit each day no more than you can handle and sometimes you have good days and sometimes really bad days. Rome wasn't built in a day. It will be a severe roller coaster of emotions, Up and DOWN, side to side. One thing I have learned is YOU will get through it no matter how bad things seem or may get. This too shall pass. There were days I was soo angry at him and some days I was angry at myself.  Why was I angry at myself? because I stayed so long. I had the case of "shoulda,woulda,couldas but didn'ts." Crying is a very important part of the healing process, seriously, it releases us, it relieves us mentally. Its a cleansing. Don't worry about what lay ahead think about the present the moment if you have too. There were days where I was dealing with it hour by hour. Its what you can handle. We basically have to grieve,deal, grieve, deal, get mad, cry,deal, and scream. It is not easy and there will be times for a split second where you try to justify "going back" but remember thinking about it can be dangerous because we are vulnerable. As long as you don't act on it things will start to become clear. Eventually when the thought does come around again and believe me it will, it won't even be thought of for longer than a millisecond and be gone. It took me a long long time to "reprogram" my mind into believing that he wasn't going to come bashing through the door and spouting obscenties to "where's his f'in dinner you lazy c*** bag?!" like we really have to answer that. One thing that kept the healing process moving forward was a journal. Write it down no matter how stupid or petty it seems to you, its not. At first it will be hard and the entries will seem forced or you will be all across the board and it will seem like a crazy person wrote it but keep writing. Eventually it will all make sense. No matter what in the beginning when you first start the journal keep the entries going forward do not be tempted to look at past entries not until you are ready and that might take some time. When you completely fill up the 5 subject notebook YES 5 subject then you can look through your entries and see your good days and bad days. It will also help you understand the healing and what you've gone through in such a short amount of time. One saying I write in the beginning of all my journals is something that keeps me going. "Fear is only as strong as the power you give it." remember the more you feel free the smaller the power of them gets. It is all about taking back the power of ourselves. Finding out who we are and what we can become..that is the greatest power..