VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE

I can't strees enough just how devasting verbal and emotional abuse can be. Yes, Physical Abuse is at the top of everyone's list as being the worst, but in my opinion its not. Bruises,Broken Bones, and even death are extreme, most people wonder why women stay so long if they are being "beaten." It's not always that cut and dry. Abusers don't always start off by hitting, there are levels of abuse. It can start off with verbal and emotional abuse. People usually say "oh its only words, or I wouldn't let him talk to me that way or treat me that way.' The bottom line is most people do on some level accept certain things in a relationship, I call it "blinded love" we see things differently when we love someone, but are the first to see others "getting abused" ironically can't see our own situation for what it is. The Military can use "mental warfare" and "brainwashing" as a defense tactic. That is the primary beginning of abuse. Think of it as being a hostage in a hostile environment, granted your not tied to a chair in a small room but you get the idea. Constant degradation,humiliation, withholding, torture...but eventually the person will crack. Hearing something constantly every day for however long does wear on you. Sometimes the verbal abuse is subtle and sometimes like in my situation its not. We are programmed to do things a certain way or speak a certain way to live a certain way and if we don't comply there will be consequences, severely. For example, A normal scenario: A woman has to go to the supermarket for a few things for dinner or is running late coming home from work, she calls up her spouse and say "hey I am running late, I will be there when I can, did you want me to pick anything up" Spouse is response:" okay no problem, I think we need milk, see you when you get home."
An Abusive scenario: The woman gets everything done before the spouse comes home and has a drink or dinner on table to avoid conflict." You don't schedule things that late or work too late and are home for them to make dinner. You also have to the house clean,kids fed, dogs walked and a nice meal on the table, before they come home. If these needs are not met then there will be a fight among fights, screaming,yelling and maybe even a push,shove or grab. It is constant and afterwhile you start believing what you are hearing about yourself no matter how hard you try to push it out of your mind it stays because you start to think well if I did this or said that maybe he wouldn't have acted or reacted that way. You start reenacting scenarios out in your head so you can avoid conflict. Forget about if you try to argue,fight or defend yourself, it makes things worse. It seems to fuel the situation because thats what they are looking for resistance, it makes them fight harder. Its like a drug to an abuser. After awhile you begin to lose your will to fight and just go with the flow, because your energy is gone. It can take years for a woman to realize she's even being verbally and emotionally abused by then there is so much internal damage that it can take just as many years to undo it. For every one year you've been in an abusive situation add 2 years to the healing. It took me many years to deprogram my brain and I still catch myself from time to time doing it and I correct myself as soon as I realize what I am doing. Even after you leave you still hear them in your head, their voice. They are telling you how bad you are, how fat,how skinny, how ugly, you can't do anything right, you can't cook, you are useless and how you are going to fail at everything you do or attempt. You have to learn to shut down those voices and push yourself back into your mind. It takes practice but it will happen.