Time heals..or so they say

Every day I remember pieces more and more, only to let them go like the wind. Although some do leave a lingering impression. I suppose to remind me of where I was and who I was. Damn it seems like a lifetime ago. Alas, where does the time go? I know it has been one hell of a journey and has yet to end. There are days I look back and wonder how and why I did make it. Did someone have a greater plan for me for the future or was I just lucky. It has been almost a decade, I say almost with a shutter, because I would have never thought I could get this far. My life seems almost "normal" as I am going to get. It's ironic that I am still here and still strong.
I look back, it makes me sad and a little angry at myself. If I had just left sooner would my life me going down a different path? Would would have happened if I did take the "road less traveled?" Would I be where I am at now? It makes me angry at myself because I "missed" out on alot in life, in my life. I try not  to feel that way but its hard when you see friends you know and they have their lives all wrapped up in a pretty bow. Ok, so it took me a long time to get to this point and I went around bout way of getting here. So, I didn't finish College, I don't have that $60,000 a year job, 4 kids or a $400,000 home that I own, I don't travel all over the world but you know what I am here and alive. What I did do? Escape from an abusive life of my husband and parents with my son. I didn't have anything when I left, literally didn't even know where we were going to go, I didn't have a "backup" plan. I just knew it was time to go and go far. I don't think if I didn't have my son I wouldn't have had the strength I had/have to get through what we did. I mean its one thing to leave but the staying gone is the hardest thing to do, really. I had left so many times and came back I probably broke some kind of record.  The emotions we have to endure after leaving is agony. I spent so many years "stuffing" my emotions so I wouldn't have to feel and get hurt that being Numb was all I knew. Then when I finally finally felt "safe" it was like taking the band aid off a leak in the Hoover Dam. It becomes so overwhelming like you can't breathe. If you let it, it can suffocate you. Little by little each day a little piece goes, but I think seeing how happy my son was every day made it a little easier sometimes. I was soooo angry. Sometimes I couldn't even look at my son, it was like a mirror image of "him." Now I look back and realize my son looks nothing like him and has my personality more and more each day. He is growing up to be a kind, compassionate, smart young man. It is very scary. It seems like only yesterday I was changing his diapers.lol.
Don't get me wrong there are still days after all this time that I "feel" that pain. More so like anger and sadness. When I was with my ex husband I was made to shut out the world and in turn he made the world shut me out. I was just existing and barely getting by..some days we live for the moment and some we live for the hour....

frog in a pot: verbal and emotional abuse

frog in a pot: verbal and emotional abuse: "I look at life in different eyes these days. I hear things differently. Maybe because I am a 'survivor' of Abuse and Domestic Violence. I a..."

verbal and emotional abuse

I look at life in different eyes these days. I hear things differently. Maybe because I am a "survivor" of Abuse and Domestic Violence.  I am a writer, http://www.afroginapot.com/ and a mother. I am more observant these days because life is my school. I listen and watch how people treat each other these past 10 or more years. I saw myself in there shoes many times but that seems so long ago. Why do we allow so much disrespect or how we communicate with our mates or friends? It seems no one treats anyone nicely anymore. Even friends, I "clean house" on friends because I find usually that most people these days have agendas or aren't really your friend. People use people for what they can and toss them aside or its all about keeping up with the Jones'. I see how men and women treat each other while they are dating. Long gone are the men who "open doors and actually listen to us." Have we gotten that shallow? I see so much verbal and emotional abuse every day no matter where I am at. I listen and watch. Women take and allow so much, for what?