He's NOT him..comparing all relationships to your old one

Okay so you're out of the abusive relationship and you really think your ready to date. Well hopefully enough healing and time has passed for you to continue to be healthy. It took me a year and I wasn't really looking for a relationship, it found me..well via, my son. We've been together 7 years and let me tell you it has had it bumps,obstacles, train wrecks and roller coaster rides but its still going because he has become my best friend. It took me a LONG time not to compare past the past relationship with this one. I have to catch myself once in awhile "well so and so used to say or do this or that." It is a realy hard habit to break. Even on an intimate level which is the worst thing to do to a man. In the beginning My son and I kept waiting for the "proverbial other shoe to drop" and when it didn't we had a hard time dealing with the normalcy. Its difficult to heal alone and work on yourself but when you add a mate to the whole situation it is even harder. Sometimes we think we are ready and we are defensive,untrusting and flat out crazy but if this person really loves you then they will stick around. Just remember in order to break the cycle truly break the cycle we have to be comfortable in our own skin and its all about self esteem. You learn to have a "tough cookie" attitude and rationalize everything from situations to conversations. I know for myself I would take everything out of context and feel I needed to persecute. I learned that it takes so long to adjust to thinking and feeling for ourselves that there are sooooo many "triggers" to set us off. At first we don't realize just how bad it could get. It can be something so minute to something so huge. Like oh that's how "so and so used to fold clothes" or "thats what so and so used to say" or "thats what so and so used to love" We don't even realize that we are doing this at the moment until someone calls us out on it. It takes time to erase those "tapes" in our heads. New memories are important. I used to stay away from places My ex and I used to go because most of the time they were bad memories, but now I have no fear and go to those places for 2 reasons one to tackle my fear and second to make new memories. It's all about New Memories because we have to "reprogram" our brains when we think about things in the past we have to delete and record new data. So next time we think about that place it will be recalled as a good memory and not a crappy one. It's hard not to compare our past relationship with a new one even if it wasn't abusive because our minds are still processing the loss of the person. It's even worse when you compare the "bedroom antics" with your new mate but it happens and you deal with it as best as you can. There are going to be quite a few issues with that but you have to work with your mate together. That can take awhile but it will happen in less you've made your partner feel like he is a idiot. So when dealing with your "new' mate remember to change the channel in your head..and enjoy life.