Well, just when you think you have a handle on your life...BAM!! Something knocks you back a few steps,Why?? because it can. Every once in awhile you think you shut off "them" in your head and when something positive is going on in your life you hear them "playing the same old song over and over again." " You're gonna fail,you're not good at anything,why would they want you you're a loser,you're worthless.." The list could go on forever. What makes it even more bone chilling these "tapes" playing are my abusers voice. It doesn't happen often but it still happens from time to time. Usually I can stuff them down and move on but sometimes they are powerful because of my "feelings" that day or moment. Yes, I still get on that proverbial pity pot every once in awhile, I am only human. Unfortunately, it can take a couple of days to calm that down and keep myself going no matter what happens. "The old tapes playing" is one of the many effects of the abuse,the brainwashing. After constantly hearing these words day in and day out, year after year, you tend to believe them. Like I said you have to "reprogram" your brain sometimes though certain things creep up on you. Its all in how you handle it and let it go, some days are better than others. I "cleaned up" those degrading words they used to be more "descriptive." No sense in getting banned for in appropiate language, but thats a sample of what I would hear, a small sample. Of course there were plenty more where that came from. Abusers usually like to keep their victims down to make themselves feel good. When they call them those names or speak to them that way, nine times out of ten that is the way they are feeling about themselves. I haven't seen my ex in many years really don't have a reason too but I do know one thing about life its funny in an ironic sort of way. "What goes around comes around."
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