WHEN LITTLE THINGS MEAN ALOT

The other day I had caught up with an old friend that I have known for quite some time. We were catching up on old times and old aquaintances. In conversation my ex husband came up which I knew it would. I was okay with it, but she had visited him and his girlfriend several years ago not knowing that we were no longer together. So it was quite a shock to her that she was not greeted by me. I dared to ask her what the "old place looked like" and "was his gf/my ex friend nice to you." She replied with an answer that I had already known but needed to hear from someone else, for what? I don't know peace of mind, poetic justice, I don't know, I guess in mind it was something that I didn't even know was really bothering me that much. Apparently it was. It seemed so petty in conversation now that I look back but it was my way of knowing that "his life" is still a shambles and just how bad the alcoholism has gotten and abuse. She gave me an answer I was actually surprised by and grateful for all in 2 sentences. Some things never change just get progresively worse. I believe it was a way to realize that things will never change and he will never change. His life will always be miserable because he is miserable and every day that I do something for my son or myself that betters our life the worse his life is. I suppose his life will always be stagnant and our lives will continue to shine. Someone once told me that I didn't need him, he needed me and that he kept me the way he did because he didn't want to see us shine because he knew we would leave him. He knew if he let us go that we wouldn't need him that is why he kept us down for so long. Eventually if you keep someone down for so long they eventually forget how to shine and live..because you forget who you are and who you were. That is the only way abusers seem to keep control of the person they are abusing..I guess it meant alot to me that he is still miserable and I am not..Petty?? maybe...but I sometimes we need affirmation for our own peace of mind...